


Centrifugal Force

by Katlyn1948



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Death, Don’t hate me, F/M, Grief, Other, Please Don't Hate Me, Sadness, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, in the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katlyn1948/pseuds/Katlyn1948
Summary: an inertial force which tends to pull an object outward
Relationships: Arya Stark/Gendry Waters
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	Centrifugal Force

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ
> 
> Soooo....I hate myself for writing this bit, but I was SUPER in my feels today and my depression was kicking my ass so I decided to write a piece about it...
> 
> I cried the whole fucking time while I was writing this and I feel I should note that this fic deals with death, depression, thoughts of suicide like ALL THOSE TRIGGERS...so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE proceed with caution. 
> 
> Also, please no hate comments. I usually have thick skin for those sort of things and it doesn’t get under my skin, but today, as I mentioned above I am in my feels today. I had a lot of thoughts about my grandfather and uncle, who just recently passed away, so this is sort of my way of weeding out that grief. 
> 
> Again, I am so sorry, but this is how I cope sometimes.

Spinning. That centrifugal force excreting her body outwards, plummeting it into further darkness. It was uncontrollable, like a runaway train racing down tracks leading to nowhere. The feeling of being pushed and pulled beyond measure ached in her bones to the point where she wanted nothing more than for it stop. But the carousel ride she was on just kept going faster and soon she would be thrown into a universe so far beyond the stars there would be no way for her to make her way back.

Even the pure unadulterated silence was deafening. It was mocking even; teasing her, letting her know that she was now truly alone.

She felt it: the moment her life came to an abrupt halt. It was a typical Tuesday morning and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The coffee was already brewed, the bread already toasted, and like each morning he would go to work before her, a simple love note perched on the kitchen bar.

Yet, something felt off. Almost as if she were expecting something unexpected.

When she sat down at the dining room table to sip her morning cup, there was a gut wrenching reaction jerking her forward. It was as if her body slammed into a slab of concrete, her breath completely leaving her. It took a moment to compose herself, taking the time to easy her breathing, only for her phone to chime off in three quick successions.

Then a phone call.

And the feeling of her heart being torn out of her body.

That was months ago, yet the memory was still fresh. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the light of her screen shine with a number she wished never to see again. And on the other line a man in a gruff voice telling her the one person in her life that got her through the worst of it was now gone.

She was a shell of a human being. There, but not really _there._ She had no inkling on how to navigate the world, not without him.

There was a time in her life where she could managed the happenings of the world around her. Where she craved adventure and explored lands she never thought she would see. That was before she found him again, before he entered her life thrusting it into the craziest adventure of them all: love.

Growing up, she thought she would never fall in love. It was just a silly tale told to little girls and boys so they wouldn’t have to be alone, but she liked being alone. She found solace in the silence. Perhaps it was because she was so different from the rest of her siblings and they just didn’t understand her quirks. Surely, if they didn’t know how to handle her, how would anyone else.

But that changed when she met him. It was a school girl crush when he first entered her life. A friend of her brother’s that would come about their house. His blue eyes had capture her soul from the moment she laid eyes on them. Her infatuation only grew, but was subsequently squashed when he left for university, leaving the sleep town of Winterfell behind.

She gone to university herself three four years later, across the Narrow Sea and away from any life she had previously known. Living and studying in a foreign land gave her a freedom she craved and even after she graduated, her thirst for adventure only grew.

Backpacking through Bravvos wasn’t the smartest, surely. There were dangers she was warned of, but that only made the prospect more exciting. The last thing she thought would happen would be seeing someone from her past that made her soul ache for home.

It was tiny shack of a bar when she saw him. His hair had grown out and his face was full with a unshaven smile. He was sipping on a local drink, cringing at the taste. It took her a few minutes to realize it was actually him, but the familiar laugh was all it took for her to greet him like an old friend.

It hadn’t taken long after that for her to greet him as more than a friend.

He was her fling durning her duration of the tour, but even as she tried to convince herself it wouldn’t go beyond her trek through Bravvos, her heart was telling her something else. When the time came for her to return to Westeros, he had followed and they were attached at the hip from then on out.

They had gotten a flat together in King’s Landing, him working as a mechanical engineer at Mott’s Engineering and she curating the Bravvosi exhibit at King’s Landing Museum. They fell into a comfortable routine, one that she despised as a young girl, but now reveled in as young woman. 

It was funny for her to think that she never wanted this, but now that she had it she never wanted to let it go. He was there for her in every way a person should be there for someone and even after the worst thing that had happened in her life happened, he was there to help her to pick up the pieces.

Now…she was nothing more than a scatter puzzle with the biggest piece missing.

She hadn’t heard her sister come in. She hadn’t realized her front door was unlocked. She hadn’t realized that the alarm clock had been blaring for the last two hours or that the dishes in her sick were now collecting dust. She hadn’t realized that the pile of clothes in the corner should be much larger than the pair of sweats and t-shirt that currently occupied it. Nor has she realized the snow static coming from her television.

The world around her had continued spinning, but she was stoic, the centrifugal force finally pushing her out.

“Arya? Are you in here?” It was her sister. It was always her sister who came to check on her. She hadn’t seen since the funeral nearly two months prior, shutting her and the rest of the world out.

Arya was in her bed. She was always in her bed with the duvet drawn up close to her and her tears sating the stain pillow case.

She felt a dip on the other side of her bed, her sister sitting on the edge. “Arya, can you look at me?”

It took every fiber of her being to turn towards her sister, the duvet still pulled up close to her chin. “What do you want, Sansa.”

“I got a call from Gendry’s job. They’ve been trying to reach you, but your voicemail box is full. They need you to come in a pack up his things.”

“Then go and pack up his things.” She said flatly.

Sansa sighed, “I think…I think maybe you should. I think it will bring some closure.”

Arya sat up then, her tear streaked face displayed in anger. “Closure? You think I can get closure? How the fuck do you think I will get that?”

“Arya, I-”

“There is no closure! Gendry was my person. He was the only one in this world that could pick me up and put me back together again. The day he died was the day that I died. I felt it, Sansa. I felt the moment it happened. I felt the moment that fucking truck slammed into him! It was like the world knocked me down and I haven’t been able to get back up! Tell me, how am I supposed to get closure when I can’t even fucking leave this apartment?”

“Not by locking yourself up!” Sansa countered. “You honestly believe he would want you to waste away to nothing? You’re adventurous, Arya, so pull yourself together and live for him! He’d hate to see what you’ve become. And, if I’m being honest, I don’t recognize you! When was the last time you ate or…took a shower? At this rate, you’ll be buried right beside him!”

Her sister’s words smacked her harder than she would have liked. There was truth behind them and she was right, Gendry would hate to see what she was becoming. But it was so hard for her get up. Everything she felt was pushing her down and she didn’t know how to claw her way out.

“It’s been nearly three months, Arya. Gendry’s not coming back.”

There was a silence that stretched between them, one so large that Sansa could no longer stand it and she left without another word, leaving Arya to her crippling thoughts.

It had taken another two weeks before Arya tried to pull herself out of bed. The task felt impossible, but she managed to yank her aching muscles from the confines of her makeshift cocoon.

She had crawled into her iron clawed tub and soaked for near a whole night, scrubbing the stench and grime away. Her first meal in nearly a week was a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich, one of which she subsequently threw up just a few hours later.

It had taken a while, but she managed to get back some normalcy in her life and a month after Sansa’s conversation, she walked into his job and packed up his things.

It was heartbreaking, unbearable even, all because of the finality of it all. But she managed to gather his things and take them back to their apartment. His things were in boxes, ready to be stored away for safe keeping. The memories of it all were just too much, although there were things she could not part with. Not just yet.

And when she was finally up to it, she took a flight across the Narrow Sea, his ashes in one hand while the other cradled the growing bump beneath her sweater.

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO FUCKING SORRY!


End file.
